Sunday, January 27, 2013

expect the worst

everything has a start and a beginning that's the natural order in life. you live you die. the things in between the
two? its what we did, what we had, and what we cherished. for most it would be destined. but the way i see it? its about choices. choices that describes who we are and we live with it , this story is about choices, struggles, heart breaking moments and eventually it will come to an end, but before that lets go to the beginning



1
Sugar coat



I was born in the year of 1988, in the famous city of Baguio Philippines in a public hospital (what my dad told my MOM had this argument with a nurse on the first private hospital that they went.imagine her going trough labor and still had the guts to scold at the nurse). after 1 year we left my mountain province and went to our home town in nueva ecija. its a province somewhere in the middle of luzon. the climate in the city we lived in is quite humid and full of rice crops around the city.as i age from 5 to 7 it was great and all. i had the typical birthdays. cakes, balloons and gifts . the usual. things went changed after that, my dad and mom argue always, they fight each other. at that time dad was hard worker, he always makes way to give everything my mom wants  in life, i was sickly since i have asthma so its another part why dad works all the time. i don't get to watch televisions, my grand mother bought me some computer games yet i cant play it.i don't play outside our house since dust makes my asthma go on amok . so basically i sleep with tubes on my nose.i cant remember what meds they have. since mom was still young when she had me she still have this urge to do things a teen ager would do, like play cards stuffs like that, she usually makes my grandmother take care of me(actually she's my grandmother's sister) which she has a habit of not taking care of me  she is the type whom when she is in front of your face she is like an angel fallin from the sky she sugar coats everything, so it is like the things you see in your flat screen now a days, how their relatives beats their nephew or niece. one time my mom left me there to sleep, i cried not to leave me since she is like those cartoon witches that scares the shit out of me, still mom left me, i cried all day, still cried all night, then she got really pissed out of my whining she threw me at the restroom and made me sleep there, well actually i couldn't sleep at all night. morning came my parents picked me up not knowing what my hideous grandmother did to me, all i did was not pay attention to it since I'm going home anyway. months passed, years and my grand mother went to the states to live there (OH what a blessing). so i thought my problem as a child have passed. then i was wrong. as i turned 8 i get to play outside our house i don't know why. finally I'm happy.not...... i was the center of attention to my cousins, they let me play but you know they treat me like a dog, well since they let me act like a dog.which i stupidly do just to fit in with them. they would play and they make me come but i get to get picked by them. they would leave me when we play hide in seek at noon since I'm the it always, spit on my head form the tree house that i cant climb since they take the ladder away.all i did was cry. so I'm a cry baby i admit . then i started to hate my self cause i cant understand why they hate me. i use slippers to spank my head,  i know its kinda crazy i cant even justify why i did that, out of hurt i guess out of trying to fit in. as i do that one of my older cousin grabbed my hand, she said "stop what your doing, what did they do to you" i only told her "they left me", she wiped my tears and told me "just let them be you can be happy by yourself just dont hurt your self" first time i felt loved and cared. after that i still come with my cousins, cried but i know for a fact it will pass. i learn to not just listen or take grudge on what they do to me. cause after all they are family. except my wicked grand mother. so lets stop at that for a while. as i see it now.everything what we see is just sugar coated either by your self or by other people. my dear friend everything will change next elementary days is way harder,

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